As most little girls do, growing up i constantly dreamt of my future husband and kids. I dreamt of my wedding day and how magical my life would be with my “Prince Charming”. I fantasized about what my future held and how things would go. I was going to marry this tall, handsome guy that was just like my dad. Sweet, kind, loving, passionate, funny, smart, hard working, and so much more. Someone who’d never abandon me and would fight to the death for me despite my flaws or mistakes. Someone that lived their life for me and our children. I imagined having a bunch of kids perfectly spaced apart in age that all looked just alike. They’d always be clean and well behaved. They’d never fight because that’s unacceptable. They had to be best friends because that’s all that they’ll have when their dad and I are gone. We’d have a farm with lots of pets. Life would be basically a Disney movie. We all know how part of that goes/went ha. My kids are always messy, look nothing alike, were born back to back then randomly 4 years later, fight constantly, and my marriage has seen many struggles.
When i imagined my fairytale future what i didn’t imagine was how hard it’d be to stay married. I didn’t realize that marriage wasn’t always a feeling but often, a choice. I didn’t know that there would be stages when every day is hard for weeks on end. I didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so much but to also have hard feelings towards them. I didn’t know that things wouldn’t always be easy. I thought love was enough. I didn’t know that you’d sacrifice your own happiness to simply stay married in those hard moments. I didn’t know that being a mom meant losing parts of yourself and living life as if you aren’t really your own person anymore. I didn’t know that it wasn’t being a well put together “soccer mom” who was always on her a game. I didn’t know that you’d feel so overwhelmed with the chaos that you’d cry many tears out of pure frustration. I didn’t know that despite trying your best to teach your kids right from wrong, they’d still do things that they know is wrong. I didn’t know that people would watch you just to judge every single move that you make waiting for you to do something that they can gossip about. I didn’t know that people actually enjoy seeing others fail. I didn’t know that my fairytale was actually something that came with very ugly aspects.
Listen guys, life is super hard. Marriage is super hard. Parenthood is super hard. I want to quit sometimes. I wonder if i got in over my head. I worry about my future and being everything that my family deserves. I regret many things but at the end of the day, anything worth having is worth fighting for. It’s worth the hard times. Worth the struggle. Worth the broken heart. Worth the stress. Worth the fear. Don’t let those ugly aspects of life overwhelm you to the point that you’re no longer living it because you’re so wrapped up in the hard times.
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