Eilee Leighton is THREE Months Old

**Posted a few days early due to the fact that we will be out of town and busy on the 29th** 

THREE MONTHS OLD! How. Is. That. Even. Possible?! Eleven months ago to the day I found out that I was pregnant with her. I say it constantly but I truly can't believe how fast time goes by. Eilee went through a massive growth spurt this month. She weighs 12.5 lbs and is 25" long. She has almost outgrown 0-3 month outfits. Hers big and thriving ha. She coos, laughs, and smiles all of the time. She talks to me when I talk to her which always makes people laugh. It's adorable. She sleeps 7 hours straight most nights. She's never once had a bottle. She is most definitely a booby monster but I love it. She is a huge mama's girl and that makes her daddy jealous ha. I love that I'm the only person that can feed her and I love that I am why she's growing so well. It's a wonderful bond and experience for us both. Our goal was originally 12 months of breastfeeding but now I'm praying to make it 2 years. I can't imagine stopping. She's still a very curious girl. She studies everything that goes on around her. She loves football. She watches it longer than anything else which makes her daddy and grandpas super proud. She's stubborn and hardly ever smiles for a picture. She stares at my phone in fascination rather than looking at me who can always make her smile on demand. Shortly after turning 2 months old she found her hands. She plays with them and sucks on them constantly. It's drool and thumb sucking central over here. Her hands aren't the only habit she picked up this month. Two weeks ago she started rolling over. It was literally the first time ever that I did tummy time and she rolled with in seconds of me laying her down. I've been putting tummy time off because I wasn't in a hurry to help her build muscles. If that makes me a bad parent, I don't care. I'm in NO hurry for her to be growing up. I'm so not that mom that wants her kids to walk at 6 months old and talk full sentences by 12 months old just so she can brag about it. Hudson didn't walk until he was well over a year old and that was just fine with me. Time goes fast enough. I don't need any help by rushing things. Team keeping babies, babies over here! After Eilee rolled I seriously prayed that it was a fluke. I didn't put her back down for a few days because I wasn't ready to add that milestone to our baby book yet. Brian is actually who ended up putting her back down and of course she did it again right away so it's officially, official. At 2 1/2 months old she began to roll. 

Her personality is big and is becoming so obvious. I absolutely love getting to spend every single minute with her. 

 

 

Taking a Time Out

Today I caught myself worn out and wishing that I could spend the whole day at home in my pajamas. Life is busier now than it has ever been and I love that but I also underestimated how much I'd want a rest day every once in awhile. Three evenings a week we have cheerleading, twice a week we have church, every evening we work with our show cows, on Sunday's we have lunch with my in laws, every Saturday in the last 2 months we have not only had youth football games but also birthday parties to go to. Last Saturday we had a birthday party AND a house warming party on top of cheerleading. This Saturday we had a wedding AND a birthday party at the same time an hour after cheer so Brian took the bigs to the birthday party and I took Eilee to the wedding. Next week we have Charlee's first cow show. It's at the Tulsa State Fair which is a big show for the area. We will be there 3 days so we will be staying the night in Tulsa Thursday after cheer practice-Sunday. We also have cheerleading as usual on Tuesday and Thursday, church on Wednesday, and family pictures on Monday. Brian's hunting trip is coming up and they've decide to leave earlier to scout the area so I'll be on my own for 9-10 days. Soon I'll need to start decorating for the holiday home tour that we were asked to do and of course there's Halloween. I have yet to decide what my kids will be so I really need to figure that out. All of that doesn't even include doctors & dentist appointments for 6 people, school events, fundraisers, parent teacher conferences, paying bills, running regular errands, ect. Thinking about how busy life will continue to be for basically ever makes me wish that we could sit aside one day a week or even every 2 weeks to simply be lazy and not leave the house. I need to make that a priority because all of this running around is usually a lot of fun but it's also tiring for us all at times. I miss long talks every night with Brian. I miss spending all day with my kids all cuddled up watching movies. I miss not having to wear a bra every day. I miss the simplicity but I also love that my kids are involved in so much extra curricular stuff. Their group of friends varies a ton because they are around so many different kids. All of those friends are what keeps the birthday party list so big ha. I've also been able to meet new moms and reconnect with high school friends who have kids my kids ages. 

All of that babbling to say, mom life chaos is fun and has it's endless amount of rewards but we all need to take a day off occasionally to simply enjoy our loved ones in a peaceful setting. 

Giving to Your Spouse

Brian and I are both big believers in taking time to do things that we enjoy. He goes gigging with his buddies a few times a week and I go out to dinner and a movie with my girl friends when I feel like getting away. Our lives revolve around our babies, each other, making ends meet, cheer 3 times a week, church twice a week, working with the cows 7 days a week, birthday parties and family get togethers just about every weekend, ect which frankly can get super stressful. It's nice to just step back and take time away. Whether that's date night or a friends night, we both appreciate the break. A few years ago I went to Pensacola Beach, FL for 4 days with my best friend. We had a blast and will definitely be doing it again when Eilee is not nursing anymore except we are going to NYC next time. It was a gift from Brian to me because he thought that I deserved some 'me time'. A year after that Brian went to the mountains for a few days to hunt with some buddies. He had such a great time. They hiked into the middle of the mountains and set up tents. No water. No electric. No roads. Nothing. Sounds like insanity to me but my mountain man of a husband had a ball. I knew then that I wanted him to have another vacation like that but didn't know when the timing would agree. At that point we had chicken houses so making plans in advance was nearly impossible. Once we sold our farm I new that the chance would come soon for Brian to go off with his friends. I saved money from doing hair on the side to pay his way for another guys trip and on our anniversary I told him that he was going Elk hunting in Colorado with 4 of his closest friends this October. It'll be the longest that we've ever been apart in over 9 years and it'll be the longest that the kids have went without seeing their daddy so I'm nervous about that but I'm SO excited for Brian to have this opportunity. He's tried to back out a few times because he's worried about leaving us home alone for 8 days but there's no way that I'm letting him back out. This is nothing compared to what he deserves for all of the years working every single day to support us or for all that he does for us in general. No amount of money or trips can thank him enough for that. No one deserves a opportunity like this more than he does and it makes my heart extremely happy to do this for him. I pray that he kills an elk but if not I pray that he has the time of his life. I can't wait to see his face as he tells me all of the stories from his adventure. I'm not going to share exactly when he will be gone for safety reasons but I will say that soon we are going to enjoy a huge shopping trip to Bass Pro to load up on all of his hunting needs ha. I swear he's like a kid when it comes to this stuff and seeing him so excited is like seeing my own children happy. It's one of the most fulfilling feelings that a soul can feel. 

Y'all do things for each other, always. Even when you don't like each other out pride aside and do things for one another. I'm not just talking about surprise trips or fun dates. I'm talking little love notes, making their favorite dessert when they've had a bad day, coming home early from work to check on them when you know they aren't feeling well, giving the kids a bath because your spouse is busy cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, pack their lunches for them so they won't have to leave work jus to eat, put gas in their car so they don't have to, set up surprise pedicure appointments for your wife when it's been a rough week, buy her her favorite candle 'just because', lay his clothes out for him so he can sleep in 10 extra minutes, make sure your home is a clean and cozy atmosphere for him or her when they get home from a long day at work, do things for no reason what so ever other than simply because you love them and appreciate them. Brian and I don't believe in gender roles. Sometimes he gives baths, makes dinner, starts laundry, helps the kids with homework, pays bills, ect. Sometimes I change the oil in our vehicles, take the trash out, wash the cows, mow the yard, ect. We both know how hard each other works and that some days one of us simply can't get it all done so the other must step in to help. We are at a stage in life where perfection isn't expected and fights hardly ever happen. We are so focused on raising 4 children, working, extra curricular activities, school events, paying bills, maintaining a schedule of holidays, birthdays, weddings, ect that we honestly just don't have time to fight ha. But really, after 9 years you know someone so well that you don't have much to disagree on. I know how he feels about literally everything and what his response will be and vise versa. Our marriage is in a stage of true contentment. Brian is my heart and I'm his. Not having to add stress of an unsteady marriage is a gift when life is already so chaotic. However, this point for us took a lot of time and tears. It took a lot of give and take. It took fights, nights apart, cuss words, heart ache, and disagreements. It took hitting rock bottom and realizing that we were worth fighting hard for. It's extremely hard but once you hit your place of pure peace, it's so so worth it and that place is reached by always doing things for one another. Always keeping each other a top priority. And always remembering why you fell in love. Don't give up. Marriage and staying in love is a choice. I wanted to give up many, many times but now I can honestly say that my life would be miserable if I had quit. Thank God that Brian is stubborn and wouldn't ever let me go. I'll spend my life making it up to him. 

 

Confessions of a Breastfeeding Mom

1) It's not always easy! We all know that breast feeding is the most natural thing that you can do for your kid but that doesn't mean that it comes naturally for mom and/or baby. Nope. Believe it or not some babies don't fly out of your vagina ready to latch onto something and eat. Some babies need taught how. 

2) Breastfeeding is as good as being on a drug especially in those early weeks to months. Like seriously, oxytocin is the good shit. You ladies know what I mean. You feel as chill as a person could possibly get. Sometimes it's down right creepy. 

3) Cramps! Those bloody post partum cramps that nursing your baby induces is worst than labor cramps! No one warns you about laboring after labor. 

4) You leak, constantly so you might as well kiss light colored clothing 'good bye' if you don't have good bra pads. 

5) You don't just leak during a let down (we will get to those). You leak randomly all day and don't even think about looking a crying babies way or else you're tits are gonna blow. 

6) Let downs! The devil of all nursing. They feel like someone added 50 lbs weights to your boobs and decided to run a hundred needles across your nipples. That all to dreaded sensation tells you that your ass better be near your baby, a pump, or a towel because you're again, gonna blow! 

7) Did you know that babies don't have to have teeth to bite hard? Well if you didn't know that than you've clearly never had a toothless 3 month old clamp down on your nipple and jerk their head to the side with your nipple still in their mouth. Us breastfeeding moms like to refer to this as nip lash and it's tragically a real thing. 

8) Every time that you nurse in public you're rehearsing in your head what you'll say to the unfortunate soul that dares to say to make a negative comment about you breastfeeding in the open. 'No, I will not go to the nasty ass bathroom to FEED my kid. No, I will not throw a blanket over her head because believe it or not she doesn't like eating smothered under a blanket. You're husband's staring? Oh I'm sorry. Maybe you should throw a blanket over HIS head. Your kids might see? Oh no! That would be awful for them to see that boobs are actually on our bodies for a reason other than something sexual. Meanwhile there's tits hanging out all around us in low cut shirts, on magazines, on billboards, on commercials, on old ladies at church. You do know that you can simply look away, right?! Not to mention that it's our legal right in all 50 states to breastfeed in public covered or uncovered! Bye Felicia.'

9) You will get asked how long you plan to breastfeed. It's inevitable. You just will. And if you're answer is anything over 6-12 months you better get ready for the confused/disgusted looks. Never mind that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years of age. Mind your own tits, Felicia and don't worry about what I do with mine. 

10) There is a certain freedom in living life basically bra less for the sake of easy access but if you can't go without a bra, you plan your entire outfit around how fast you can pull a boob out. 

11) Blocked milk ducts and mastitis! You'd almost rather cut your arm off than to nurse through the discomfort but being a women and all you suck it up and fight through it. 

12) Your baby doesn't always cry for you to nurse just because he or she is hungry. Nah, sometimes your little booby monster cries just to have you close and to use your poor deflated tata as a pacifier. And if you're super lucky you're baby will grab a handful of hair or boob to pull/pinch. 

13) Hell hath no fury like a kid whose ready for some mama's milk. I'm talking head swinging, arm throwing, leg kicking fits that end the second their mouth hits that honey hole. Cue the hilarious yum, yum, yum/smacking/end of a cry noise that they make when that connection is made. Total contentment for baby and a sigh of relief for mom. 

14) Your boobs are no longer recognized in a sexual way by your husband. Oh no, his ass better stay away from them at the fear of being unexpectedly boob shot at any point in time. 

15) Breastfeeding is undoubtedly the most beautiful and amazing bonding experience that you can have with your baby despite the hardships listed above. It is absolutely one of my favorite things about being a mom. I'm the only person who can feed my baby. I'm the reason that she thrives. I'm providing her with safe and natural immunities to illnesses through my breast milk. It's empowering. 

 

Mom Depression Due to Time Flying By

Ever since we had Leighton I've been super sappy about how much my babies have grown. Time is going faster than ever before. I lay in bed haunted with the feeling of my babies not being babies anymore. We will hit a stage in life when they might not like me and when they don't let me snuggle them. That's probably one of the most heart crushing thoughts for me. The day when my kids are no longer kids. Granted I have several years for that to happen but the hard part is that it will happen and it seems to be coming way too fast. I still feel like that 20 year old who just found out that she was finally going to have her first baby and that the baby was a girl. Now I'm the 27 year old mother of four and my bigs are way too big. They are tying their own shoes, writing their own names, picking out their own clothes, and getting mad at me about the way that I style their hair. I snuck in on my daughters having a full blown 'boys' conversation. I listened as they talked about a cute boy in their class whom wore a green stripped shirt that day and was funny. They giggled when they realized that I was listening to them and wouldn't answer any of my questions about said boy. That was a secret between sisters that they weren't going to share with momma. Hudson came home last week bragging about how he 'held a pretty white haired girls hand on the play ground' that day. It turns out that he held a blonde high schoolers hand that I know. She sent me pictures on Facebook. He's such a flirt when it comes to what he calls 'big girls' not girls his age. It's all cute now I suppose but it definitely gives me anxiety about the hopefully FAR future. I watch my tiny little humans walk down the big halls at school all by them selves as I follow steps behind. They walk to their own rooms, put their bags away, then come back out to meet each other in the hall to go to breakfast together. Hudson finds his cousin/best friend and no longer looks my way. From time to time I catch them in rare moments when I'm leaving the school. Moments when they don't know that I'm still there. Yesterday Hudson and Thatcher were skipping down the hall hitting everything that they passed. Boys ha. The girls will go gather with their girl friends and all hold hands on the way to the cafeteria. It's just overwhelmingly emotional for me because I feel like babyhood is creeping, no more like FLYING, away. Eilee sleeps all night now and despite my desperation for sleep in that first month I now miss nursing and cuddling all night. I can see why moms breastfeed so long. I will be that mom and eat my words yet again about weaning at a year old. She's cooing and giggling. Trying to roll over and has great head control. Don't judge me if I've been avoiding tummy time because I'm not ready to hit that roll over mile stone. Why can't babies just stay little forever? Why can't a year really be like 5 years and everything stalls out for long periods? Why is momming so damn hard and emotional? I can't be the only parent who gets depressed about this. 

Normalizing Breastfeeding: Why I'm So Open About Breastfeeding

I get asked a lot about many things in regards to motherhood. From questions about handling infertility and miscarriage to questions about how to start a cloth diaper stash, the range varies greatly but the one thing that I've gotten messages/comments about constantly in the last 2 months is my openness with breastfeeding. It's truly heart warming and quite honestly shocking to me how many girls commend me as if I'm doing something unheard of. I get told things like 'I'm proud of you', 'I wish I was that brave', 'I want to be that kind of mom', 'You gave me the courage to post a breastfeeding picture', ect. I've even gotten asked a few times by a midwife friend to join her team as a breastfeeding mentor. It makes me feel so thankful that I stopped worrying about what others might say or think in a negative way and just simply 'did me'. I tossed the fear of shady opinions out of my mind and was my authentic self. 

Here's the thing, aside from the obvious reason that breastfeeding is so important (oh you know, to feed your child) the 'breast' part of that is just that! It's BOOBS. We see them every single day whether it be on ourselves, our partners, or on TV. Boobs/cleavage are everywhere. They aren't given a second thought when they are on a commercial shoving a hamburger down a big chested women's throat. They aren't given a second thought when we see women in swimsuits all over social media. They aren't given a second thought when they are seen around town in low cut shirts. They damn sure shouldn't be questioned when a women is feeding her child. (Don't get me wrong, sometimes women abuse our right to nurse in public. There's no reason to have your nipple showing in full or to have both of your boobs hanging out.) I nurse with and without a cover. As Eilee gets older she fights a cover being over her face sometimes. Not that I blame her at all but I still keep it casual. I always wear a tank top under my shirt. I pull my outer shirt up, pull the boob that I'm feeding on out the top of my bra/tank top, then cover the top part of my boob up with my outer shirt. 

 

I get genuinely happy when I see women nursing in public or posting nursing pictures because I feel like you are apart of a bigger picture when you do those things. It's sadly frowned upon and I am a huge advocate for normalizing breastfeeding. In order to do that, people need to be exposed more to seeing women NIP. I am proud of breastfeeding. It is hands down one of my favorite things about motherhood. The bond is one of a kind and can't be replicated in it's entirety. I hid it with my other children. I avoided nursing in public at all costs and I introduced a bottle very quickly because I was scared to NIP but I also was completely against feeding my child in a bath room stall. It took me 3 children and almost 7 years of soul searching to finally be confident enough in myself to NIP. Now I have so much regret on this topic. I regret caring what society thought. I regret giving up so easily with my oldest. I regret giving her a bottle too soon because I didn't want to nurse her in public. I regret not fighting harder to breastfeed my son. I regret giving it up with him fast because of my experience with my 2nd child. I should of tried more things to help him not throw up. I regret not making it a year with them. I could go on and on. It is apart of the reason that my mission is to normalize breastfeeding. I have heart felt regrets that I want to help others not have. I have regrets that could have been avoided had I not been afraid to NIP. I openly share my breastfeeding journey in hopes that people who know me get used to seeing breastfeeding pictures. I hope that my page makes it to where they don't think anything of seeing women share their journey. I hope that my openness encourages others to press on and fight for their right to feed their baby. I hope that I help new moms see the beauty in breastfeeding. My boldness isn't for everyone and that's okay. I respect that. But my boldness exposes others to something that they shouldn't give a second thought to and I pray that one day my boldness makes someone who once was shocked by women NIP, not even flinch when they see it anymore. In the short 2 months that I've been open about this I've had more people than I can count commend me for it and I've had 6 friends open up on social media about their journeys because of me. Six! That seems like a small number but those 6 women are exposing hundreds if not thousands of their 'friends' to breastfeeding. The web will just get bigger and bigger as it should if we all inspire women to be brave about breastfeeding. One day breastfeeding will be normalized and every single person who breastfed in front of someone will have been apart of that accomplishment. 

SO post the brelfies! Nurse in public! Cherish the journey! Wipe off the shade or fear of society and BE PROUD of your accomplishment as a mother. 

*** Please know that I'm not in any way shape or form against bottle feeding. I bottle fed all 3 of my bigs and had it not been for a special formula with 2 of my kids I don't know what we would have done. This post is solely about normalizing breastfeeding. It's not to downgrade moms who didn't or couldn't nurse. 

Happy 6th Birthday to Our Sweet Charlee

{Written on September 2nd, 2017}

Charlee Noelle Lane

5 lbs 13 oz

19 inches long

12:48 pm

Six years ago today I became a mother. It was the best day of my life up until that point and still is one of the top 5 best days of my life. I will never forget the feeling that I got when I pulled Charlee out onto my chest. Her first cry, that first noise our child made, was the most overwhelmingly incredible experience for Brian and I. We both bawled. We both felt more love in our hearts than ever before. We both not only felt indescribable love for our daughter but also for eachother. It was a fairytale. 

Her birth story is here if you'd like to read it: 

http://lifewiththelanes8109.blogspot.com/2016/08/our-birth-stories.html?m=0

Charlee was my first everything basically. My first time seeing a healthy baby on ultrasound. My first time feeling a baby move inside of me. My first time having a baby bump. My first time finding out my child's gender. My first birth. My first time seeing all of the 'firsts' that she did as she grew. My first time hearing my child call me 'Mama'. The firsts were endless and still are. I'm so incredibly proud of the little girl that Charlee is. She's extremely smart. So much so that she blows our minds regularly. She loves to learn and is very determined. She's hilarious too. Her wit and charm will keep a smile on anyone's face who meets her. She's onry to the core. She's loving, beautiful, creative, energetic, silly, and so much more. She is amazing and we are blessed to call her ours. 

We spent her birthday in the city shopping and watching Leap. She loved it so much and said that it's her new favorite movie. She also enjoyed her party and was so thankful for her presents as well as for the company of her family and friends.