Early this month Brian and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. We both spent that week overly emotional and nostalgic. For some reason hitting that decade mark was a sensitive thing for us. We reminisced and cried... alot. Our marriage has been really hard at times. There were absolutely days that we didn’t expect to make it. I was barely 19 years old when we said, ‘I do!’ and I had this perfect fairytale image of what was to come in my mind. We’d get married, get pregnant easily, have kids perfectly spaced out (no losses or infertility), we’d be madly in love 100% of the time, we’d never really fight big or tell each other a lie, and we’d definitely never consider divorce. Well none of that happened. We have known loss and heart ache. We have strongly disliked each other more than once. We have considered divorce. We have kicked each other out then called minutes later, crying and begging the other to come back. We have been dishonest and broken trust only to regret it deeply and do everything that we can to gain it back. We have both changed parts of ourselves and even who we are friends with to be better people for each other. We have walked into our pastor’s office (more than a few times) full of tears, humiliation, and shame to beg him and his wife to help us survive that hard time. We have both ran to my parents more times than we can count ranting about the other person only to have them tell us to go home, suck it up, and simply love one another (MOM 😅). Which by the way, is honestly why we are still married. My parents refused to be a crutch for petty fights and when the fights were worth fighting, they supported us both. Sometimes I’d get upset with them for having Brian’s back and setting me straight but I knew deep down that they did the same thing for me when it was needed and he was in the wrong. They listened to us and encouraged us to believe that we could make it past that hardship and that it would be worth it. We have dealt with family drama and fights that got far too ugly and we have both paid a hard price for that. The list goes on and on. When I say that we have quite the history in our 11 years of being together, I’m actually not exaggerating for once ha. Yet here we are and things just get better for us. The love gets more intense. The fights are few and far between. The desire to live in our own little world, home making dinner together in our pjs every night, laughing at our kids chasing a dog around the living room, cuddled up in our jumbo sized 2 person recliner, watching family movies, staying up late to catch up on our day, going to see family on Sunday’s, planning our next adventure together, talking about the upcoming holiday and addition to our family as if it’s our first time doing this, and so much more is authentically everything that we both want in life. There is a peace and contentment that only living this way can describe. I’ve always kind of felt like it’d be hard to be happy just being ordinary or not making a lot of noise. I wanted to be around crowds of people. I wanted my life to make a statement and I wanted to ‘be something big’. I wanted to be the boldest person in the room (and I still naturally am a blunt, no bull kind of person) but there is absolutely joy in the calm. There is joy in being a mom of five and wife of over 10 years. There is joy in becoming a better cook or homemaker. There is joy in just being a successful and close family. Joy in the simplicity of living a happy life with your loved ones. Accepting each others past mistakes and imperfections as they are and having faith that their love for you is enough. I was the WORST self sabotage kind of person. Terrified to let people in and letting myself be happy? Yeah, that was a big ‘no’. It was out of the question because finding happiness in another person just sets you up to get hurt. Though I have been hurt and done my fair share of hurting in return, letting that guard down and opening my heart was the most fulfilling experience. I almost feel like my life didn’t really begin until that moment. It changed everything for me and I am so thankful that the people who really are worth having around, stuck that time out with me. There is nothing more rewarding than being surrounded by those who you can lean on without fear. There is nothing more beautiful than being at a point in life where there is pure joy in the basic things.
If you have a partner who fights for you, works hard for you, loves you unapologetically as you are, tries to be a better person for you, nurtures you and cares for you even when you’re being grumpy, and just all around PICKS YOU OVER EVERYONE AND ANYONE ELSE — you are blessed. Period. Cherish it. Take care of it. Respect it. In our experience marriage only gets more rewarding with time. You have to put that person first, acknowledge your flaws, work on them, and not be scared to give your soul to someone else. If you are in a bad place in your marriage, scared to open up, or just all around in a weird funk of complicity just remember that what happens from here is mostly in your control. You can agree together to wipe the slate clean and start all over, loving without fear or you can go through the motions of a stale marriage only to end up so far apart that there’s no going back. But whatever you decide, you must decide together and you must both give it your all.
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