Do not mistake my words for being negative towards all nurses. Just like any other employee you get good and you get bad. A lot of nurses do their job wonderfully and thank God for those gems. For us, our nurse from heaven was Patty and I was blessed to have her during 2 of my births but unfortunately nurses aren't all created equally. I've had many shitty L & D nurse experiences. I don't think that it's always their fault either. I think that they are trained in a way that doesn't advocate for natural birth methods when natural birth is possible and for many women like myself, that makes things harder. If baby or mom isn't in distress and wants an all natural birth, why push an epidural on her "because it's her last chance to get one and she doesn't know what birth feels like yet."?! Yes, I had a nurse say those words to me with my first child. She scared me into getting an epidural and she was wrong! Not only did a blockage in my spine prevent the epi from working but they also poked a hole in my spinal cord which caused a spinal fluid leak resulting in 2 failed blood patches (patching the spinal cord with blood from another vein in your body) and 2 weeks of crippling migraines post birth. I had Charlee like 20 mins after they did the epidural. I had made it through the hardest part but even if I hadn't the epidural didn't work for me and it caused way more problems than you can image. I still struggle with back issues. I know that it works awesome for some. I know that everyone is different. I know that some women don't desire natural births. That's totally cool. But I also know that epidural failure and edi related issues are extremely common. Whether it's long term back pain, a spinal fluid leak, a ineffective pain management result, a prolonged or stalled labor, an allergic reaction, ect. Research it before you have your baby. Research the medical risks to it but also ask around on mom boards/Facebook groups. Their experiences might not be a doctors opinion but their experiences are personal insight to the possibilities. It's easy for a man or even women who has never birthed before to encourage an epidural to make things 'easier' but what other moms have to say is worth hearing out. That being said, don't let anyone scare you into making a choice. Make the choice for yourself. Weigh both sides.
Wow, what a rant ha. Let's get back on track.
My advice for women who are nearing labor and delivery:
-Know your rights! Do not let the hospital staff lead you to believe that you don't have certain rights. Ask them for a copy of their policies. You have that right despite what anyone says. They might not like it but they have to provide it for you. Look into policies on having to have an IV, on being able to be mobile during labor, on refusing forceps, on cosleeping at the hospital, on refusing the introduction of a binki or bottle after birth, on being able to eat or drink during labor, on how many people can be in the room with you, on your right to deny pain management, on your right not to supplement, ect.
-Know the facts about breastfeeding! A lot of women desire to breastfeed but find that it's not as easy as they expected it to be. Whether that's because the baby struggles to latch or because you have a nurse telling you that you must supplement, don't be afraid of your knowledge. The truth is that newborns need very tiny amounts of colostrum to get what they require. Our bodies create on a supply and demand basis. In the beginning it seems like you aren't producing much at all. That's normal and it is (in most cases) enough. I had a nurse try to scare me into giving Andlee a bottle of formula. Andlee was less than 2 hours old and breastfeeding perfectly yet the nurse told me that she could die from blood sugar issues if I didn't let them give her supplements. It was ridiculous. They hadn't even checked her blood sugar! Andlee hadn't left our arms since she was born. They wanted to do the newborn assessment and give her a bath but I told them not yet because she was latched so perfectly. I didn't want to break that bond. That was my right! I believe that pissed this nurse off so she tried to pressure me into sending Andee to the nursery to be given supplements. Don't fall for that stuff. Educate yourself on the facts of breastfeeding and get a second opinion from a lacatation consultant. Most if not all hospitals have one on staff.
-Know that there are options and if your hospital has policies against these options I highly recommend to deliver else where! You don't have to let them take the baby right away for assessments or a bath. You don't have to let them cut the baby's cord instantly after birth. You don't have to let them keep the baby at night in the nursery if you don't want them to. You can refuse to let them give the baby a bottle or pacifier, just make sure all nurses on staff know that when you deliver. You can request that the bath and newborn assessment is done in your room or in your presences so you never are away from the baby. You have a lot more choices and rights than they lead you on to think that you have. Just be educated on the policies.
-If you don't feel right about something, don't back down on it. If something doesn't seem right to you, express your concern. Demand proof or even a transfer if it's that severe. Request a second opinion. It's your birth, your body, your baby! You call the shots and no one can deny you of that.
-Trust your instincts! My biggest shock after my first child was born was how flawlessly my body knew to do something that it had never done before. My body knew when to push. My body knew when to stop. My body knew when something wasn't right. My body acted as if it had birthed a million times. I could have birthed without a soul in the room. My instincts told me what to do. I didn't need to be told by a doctor or a nurse what to do. I didn't need to be told when I was dilated to a 10 and ready to push. My body told me that. It was the most incredible and empowering moment of my life. In fact, every time that I've birthed I still feel just as blown away by my body's capability. I am probably a weirdo but I truly love birth and could do it for the rest of my life. I love it so much so that if I lived in a more populated area I would absolutely become a midwife or doula and assist home births for a living. There's just not a demand for it in our area sadly. Maybe someday when my kids are older, the travel won't be an issue for me and I'll be able to fulfill that dream.
-Don't be afraid to tell people 'no'! Don't be scared to tell visitors or agitating nurses that you want them out of the room. Don't be afraid to tell people not to take any pictures of the baby or post any pictures of the baby until you've announced the baby's birth. Don't be afraid to ask for alone time. Don't be afraid to refuse to have visitors if you're not feeling well or simply want one on one time with the baby. Don't be afraid to have a million guests in and out. Don't be afraid to breast feed infront of people, covered or uncovered. Don't be afraid to do whatever the hell you want to do. This is about you and your family. Do it how you want to. I prefer to have my loved ones there or close the whole time. We are known for having a huge family and a lot of guests at our events/parties/births. My OB actually just recently made a comment about how he's never seen a couple who had so many guests 3 times in a row. Usually it's just the first baby that have a lot of visitors he said. That's us though. That's our family and friends. We are blessed. They all respected our hygiene, no recent sickness, and vaccination requests so to us, they were welcome to meet the babies. Some people are the total opposite of us and want complete privacy even from their family. That's their choice and their right.
-Be prepared for ALL possible outcomes! Birth is completely unpredictable. Imagine things going any and all ways and have a game plan for each possibility. A birth plan is the best way to do this. I will post a link below of my blog on that topic if you want to check it out.
At the end of the day it's YOUR birth. Lead your own birth. Know your rights. Know the policies. Know the risks or possible outcomes. Know your body's capability. Trust yourself and your instinct. Educate, educate, educate! Birth without fear, mama.
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