Infertility & Miscarriage: What No One Wants To Talk About

Infertility and miscarriage are topics that so many people experience but they are rarely talked about. Most of you know by now that Brian and I struggled for years with infertility before we had our oldest child. It was one of the hardest things that we've gone through. You get married and expect to start a family easily. You have all of these plans and you time things how you want them to work out. You never expect to go through hell just to grow your family. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests. Night after night of crying yourself to sleep because you think you'll never be a parent. Doctors appointment after doctors appointment and test after test trying to figure out what's wrong with you. The emotional toll that infertility takes on a person is overwhelming. Fertility is something that is 110% out of our control. All of the money in the world can't get any person pregnant. As women we feel like we've failed because our bodies can't do what a women's body is supposed to do. We ache at the thought of never carrying and birthing a child. As men you feel so helpless watching your wife hurt and knowing that there's nothing that you can do to fix it for her or take her pain away. You also hurt for yourself because you want a family too. The struggles and heart break are very real and on top of all of that you feel too embarrassed to confide in people because you feel like a failure. You also feel like they won't understand why it's so hard for you because they've never been through it. Or at least you don't think that they have because people aren't usually open about it and if they are it's AFTER they've already gotten pregnant or had a child. 

When we went through the miscarriage a year ago I was shocked how many women messaged me because they too had experienced miscarriage. I had no clue that so many of our friends had been through it. I totally get that some people aren't as open about things as I am but it makes me very sad to think that they went through those things alone in a way. Not that their spouse or family wasn't there for them but other people who have walked through what they're going through could of been such a comfort. I know this because for me it helped a lot to talk to women who knew exactly how I felt. Brian and I didn't talk much about our loss to one another because we didn't want our children to know what was going on. We didn't tell them that we were pregnant and we weren't going to until we were into the second trimester. I'm so, so, SO thankful that we did it that way because I can't imagine our sweet, innocent babies mourning the loss of their little brother or sister with us. When we decide to have more children we will definitely be doing that again. However, for the most part besides Brian just subtlety holding me when he could see the sadness on my face it left me grieving quietly like nothing had ever happened. I'm so thankful that I had fellow mom friends to confide in that knew exactly how I was feeling. I think that we as women need to be open with each other because being open about things that we've gone through and proving that we did make it through the struggle helps us empower one another. Infertility and miscarriage are more common than you'd think. You are not alone in this! We are not alone in this! There are thousands of other women who know exactly what you are going through and though it doesn't take the pain away, it is comforting to know that we will make it through it and it will ALL BE WORTH IT. I'd go through a life time of pain just to get me where I am today. To be the mom of these amazing and perfect little humans is the greatest privilege of my life. Pain and all. God's timing and plan is everything.