My Advice to First Time Moms

Today at my cousins baby shower i was asked for my advice to first time moms/what would i tell myself if i could go back before i had my oldest. At first, I joked and said that i had no clue because i lacked experience. We all laughed seeing as I’m a mom of four. But then i gave them my answer — which was this (minus some of the in depth points that i added after thinking it over more deeply):

• Don’t wish time away by rushing your baby to grow faster. As a first time mom most of us get so eager for our babies to do new things. We rush it. We brag about how our freak of nature, prodigy child defines all odds and does things super early. We push tummy time to build muscles faster so that they will physically mature by society’s standards. We introduce solids early on because we get excited to see what that will be like despite the fact that it’s proven to not be best for baby’s under developed guts until they reach 6 months old AT LEAST. We claim that they can sit up unassisted even though the reality is that they only sat long enough to snap a second long picture (guilty of this with my oldest). We rush things because we are curious about what the future holds. We are curious about what each stage of development will be like. We also feel pressure from outsiders for our kids to do things on a certain timeline. After all, we’ve never been a mom before. We don’t know better. Don’t do it. I promise you that you’ll regret how fast time goes. It’s your biggest enemy! Cherish every single moment for what it is authentically worth. Kids will do things when they are ready, which leads me to my next point. 

• Don’t compare your baby to other babies. Let them be their own person. Let them develop at THEIR rate. Don’t freak out if they aren’t crawling by 6 months old. Don’t freak out if they take longer to hold their heads up. Don’t worry if so and so’s baby who was born the same week as yours can do things that yours can not and on the other side of that don’t rub it in to those parents if yours can and theirs can’t. You will find that motherhood is full of pressure for kids to meet certain milestones by a certain age. Don’t obsess over that. Kids learn at their own pace. I have 4. I know this for a fact. They were each different despite my parenting methods being exactly the same. This continues for basically ever. From crawling to potty training to learning to write their name to who has the best grades to who is the best driver. You’ll face that forever so just learn now to not compare and to teach your kids to not compare either. 

• Don’t stock up on each size of baby clothes. Most babies grow super fast. They don’t stay in the same size long. I learned the hard way to not have a ton of baby clothes. Eighty percent of their wardrobes still had tags on them. A good base in my opinion is the 14 rule. Fourteen styles per size. Fourteen sleepers. Fourteen everyday sets. Fourteen onesies. Fourteen dressy outfits. 

• You can never take too many pictures or videos! Be sure to get the up close details. Their hands. Their feet. Their lips. The way that they suck their fingers. The way that they curl their legs up under them and stick their butt up. Be sure to record the special quirks. The noises they make when they eat/nurse. The giggles. The coos. The babbles. The growls. Get it all. 

• If breastfeeding is important to you, DO NOT GIVE IT UP! You will absolutely regret it if you do. It’s hard. Their are many reasons to quit but don’t. Exhaust all options first. This is easily my biggest regret as a mom. I gave up breastfeeding by 6 months with three of my kids and i hate that. Breastfeeding my youngest has been my favorite thing. Our bond is unexplainable. Of course you bond with all of your babies despite how they are fed but from experience i can say that the bond through nursing is undeniably different than the bond without it. It’s deeper and more personal. It’s beautiful. I wish every mother was able to have it.                   

• Research both sides of vaccinating with a genuinely open mind. Don’t look for what you want to see. Look at ingredients. Look at reactions. Look at statistics for deaths related to illnesses vaccinated against vs deaths related to vaccine injuries. Ect. 

• Baby wearing is LIFE! Seriously, life! Get you a good carrier. A wrap is hands down my favorite baby wear carrier style for infants. Boba and Solly are my favorite brands. To me, a good wrap is the #1 must have baby product. 

• Slow down and simply enjoy it. Make rocking your baby to sleep a priority. Make holding him or her while they nap a priority. Make skin to skin a priority. Breath them in. Make play time in the floor on their level a priority. Make story time a priority. Sing to them. Cuddle them. Cherish them. The chores can wait. You don’t get these moments back. Ever.