The topic that can always make people go crazy and into that whole 'I do it the right way' on you is discipline. No matter what you do you're doing it all wrong to someone. That's the popular trend of parenthood now days isn't it? Always all wrong or always all right.
Well, in our family we use a blend of methods to discipline. I debated posting this entry because there's so much drama that seems to form around this subject but I ultimately decided to go ahead and do it. I'm going to post it because 1) I've never avoided touchy subjects before (such a circumcision), 2) I try to stay completely transparent on here, and 3) Our methods might help other mothers who feel like they have tried it all but haven't.
Positive encouragement:
A few years ago Andlee was pooping her pants constantly when we knew that she was potty trained. It was upsetting. We couldn't figure out why on earth she was regressing when finally it occurred to me that she was doing it to get attention. From that point on I went over board with praises and positive comments every single time that she'd use the potty. It was like repotty training her but it worked perfectly so it's something that I do often when I know a child is acting out for attention.
Redirection:
Our first step in most cases of where discipline is needed is trying to redirect our child. Taking his or her's mind off of what's getting them into trouble. Example: Today Hudson was unfolding the clothes that I had just folded so I had him go build me a lego tower.
Time out:
If redirection doesn't work or isn't what we deem as appropriate for the first step in discipline we will put our child into time out. Time out is a boring and quite place that the kids must sit in to think about what they've done. We do a minute for every year old that they are and if they get up or throw a fit during time out their time starts over. I never give up when it comes to this. They HAVE to serve their time ha. Once they get up we make them tell us what they did wrong and we tell them why it's a 'no no'. We give them a hug and send them on their way after we feel like they understand the situation. It's a big deal to me for a child to actually comprehend why they are in trouble. How can I expect them to not do it again if they don't know what they did wrong to begin with? I can't.
Spanking:
The parenting sin of all sins, right?!
If time out doesn't work or they've gotten into trouble multiple times for doing something, they get a spanking. It's always on their bottoms, on top of their clothes, and with our hand. Brian and I both believe in this form of discipline for our children as a last resort. Our parents used it on us and our siblings. We all turned out just fine and don't have any of the issues that people like to say that spanking causes. Those anti spanking studies can't be proven to be true or accurate. Think about it, anyone can type an article about how and why drinking orange juice makes you have a lower IQ. They can get a group of people together who all agree on this topic and 'run tests/evaluate' them but that doesn't make their assessment true. How hard is it to fake a study and throw some percentages together to 'support your theory'? It's not hard at all. I know that spanking works for us and that my kids aren't 'dumber or damaged' because they get a swat from time to time. **Insert major eye roll here**
I do however, agree that spanking is not okay for some children and that there is a fine line between one firm swat and beating a child. I will address what I believe that line is for anyone who thinks that there isn't one!
(Spanking shouldn't leave behind a mark
Spanking shouldn't be done anywhere but on a child's bum
Spanking should only be one swat
Spanking should only be done with your hand
You should NEVER spank a child when you're mad or upset)
As a foster mom I never used this form of discipline on our foster children or on my bio children in front of my fosters. Children in foster care have most likely witnessed or experienced for themselves physical violence. Even if they haven't witnessed it they have been through a lot of trauma that other kids don't even know exists. To a child like mine whose never seen an altercation or dealt with any type of violence, a subtle swat on top of their butt is nothing to them. (In fact, my son has laughed at me before when I spanked him.) Children like ours don't associate it with trauma. Trauma to them is not getting ice cream for breakfast.
But to a victim of abuse or neglect, it's a trigger and it can bring back memories/emotions. The same with loud noises or yelling. Those children have been in dangerous places with people who have hurt them. Things are just different for different situations. Does that make spanking wrong in all cases? No. Does that make it appropriate in all cases? No.
In my opinion there is a black and white line there on which cases are okay and which are not. It doesn't make other kids better because I don't think those kids should be spanked. It's simply different life circumstances that are out of my control and rather than me being a my way is the only way 'SPANK THEM ALL' kind of person I acknowledge that my way isn't the right way for some.
Also y'all keep in mind that just like each situation is different, so are all children. What works for my oldest daughter does not usually work for my younger daughter or my son. Our oldest has gotten like 3 swats in her entire life. She is extremely well behaved and listens amazingly. Time out or a warning always works. Our other two are more stubborn though. They like to push us as far as they can and they have what we like to call, selective hearing. We have to redirect them and get on to them a lot. Sometimes I feel so bad because our oldest is hardly ever in trouble but the others are. I've almost put her in time out before just because her siblings were in trouble so much that day. I don't think that you can understand why I feel that way unless you've been there. It's not fair to her, I know. It's just mom guilt. I never want the others to think that I never got onto their sister or that I was unjust. She gets in trouble when she deserves it. She just rarely deserves it. Not only are kids all different but some days a child can be off. They can go through life phases that make them more testy than usual or make them feel bossy. You might find your little angel suddenly acting like a little teenage brat. You may have to adjust your typical methods to fit the life stages of your child. My point of saying all of that is to reinforce just how different each child can be. Even in the same family! Don't expect them all to be the same or for one thing to work for everyone. If it does, that's awesome. You're lucky. If it doesn't, don't stress. It's normal.
Despite how you discipline your kidlets the only important thing is that you do it and are consistent. Children who have no authority or boundaries turn into uncontrollable teens and adults who think that they are exempt from punishment and that their actions have no consequences. Please do society and your child a huge favor by setting boundaries and sticking to them.