Within 3 days of making the post about taking a break from blogging i had SEVEN people ask me why I’m not going to blog anymore. I knew that I’d have a few reach out but i didn’t think that I’d have that many so fast. My family and i are currently on vacation in the mountains and for a few days of our trip i didn’t have much cell service. My husband actually forgot his phone at home so it was a total disconnect for us at times which was truly amazing. It gave me a lot of time to enjoy my family without distraction but it also gave me time to reflect when my loves were asleep and i was driving. My life has been a whirlwind of chaos and quite frankly sadness here lately. From my dad being hospitalized again to my brother almost dying in a car wreck to my papa passing away to another miscarriage to now finding out that my dad needs a heart procedure for several blockages, all of which happened in a 6 week period — life has just been hard. I’m a naturally loud and bubbly person. I have a ‘no time for bullshit, let’s all just have fun’ personality. I HATE negativity. I hate sadness. I hate pressure. I hate not enjoying life. All of which I’ve inevitably felt heaps of over the last month and a half. That whole saying, “When it rains, it pours” has never been more accurate. My life was in a damn near perfect place. Brian and i were reconnecting after our little clash and in a more in love than ever before. My family was all healthy and thriving. I was spending time simply cherishing everyone around me, visiting family daily. I was excited to grow our family (human and fur babies). I was back into health and fitness, consistently working out and eating well. I had let go of negative friendships and embraced uplifting people only. Everything was just peaceful.
Then BAM! One thing after another. I’ve had the hardest time emotionally this week and i think that’s because i really took a step back and opened up to my own feelings. I was straight forward with myself and cut the shit. It hit me like a hurricane that my papa is gone. Until now I’ve pretended that he’s still here. I’ve refused to let myself go there in regards to his death. I just pushed it out of my mind and it didn’t ever feel real. I am broken over losing him. I am broken over the miscarriage. I am broken over my dad needing another heart procedure. In the last month i have felt so salty about things in my life and stuff that I’ve blown off for a long time, i didn’t want to be nice about anymore.I just straight up haven’t been myself and that’s okay. It’s hard for me to accept that but i have. It’s okay to not always be positive. It’s okay to not always feel happy or be nice. It’s okay to have bad times. That is life. We are human. If it wasn’t one flaw, it’d be another. We all have them. I stepped away from the blog because I found myself wrapped up in low key drama with another blogger. It was a petty and i being in the pissy place that i was, was a willing participant. I wanted out though so i thought that not blogging anymore would stop it. What i realized is that I can not let it bother me for another second. I am moving forward with my life and that DOES involve blogging. I am not going to quit something that i enjoy because of the actions of others. I love it too much to let someone else keep me from it. I can’t control other people but i can control myself and i can control not letting them influence me. I can control not reading or engaging in what certain people are putting out there. I am guilty of being a willing act in their shit show. That’s on me. I own it and admit it. I played ball and agged their game on. But i am done.
I am going to start blogging on a schedule again so i will be posting at least 3 times a week. I have a lot of ideas to grow and improve this aspect of my life. I get so much feed back about the rawness of my posts that i want to continue that as i mourn and grieve my losses in hopes to help others but also in hopes to help myself by connecting with those who know what I’m going through. I want to bring you along on my journey to grow our family. Add to our homestead. Raise puppies. Raise kids. Raise a husband ha. Spend more time enjoying hobby’s such as photography, fashion, traveling, witchcraft, gardening, blogging, crafting, and cooking. I have a few collaborations in the works with other bloggers and businesses so if any of you are interested in that, let me know. It’s a great way to advertise for each other and help build our blogs/businesses.
Love & Light
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