Have Kids, They Said

Mom life is disgusting. Seriously, y’all it can be the dirtiest job on the planet. I often find myself looking at my life and thinking, ‘This can’t be normal!’ or ‘I wish someone was recording a day in the life of me.’. My most recent glamorous mom life story: 

**Disclaimer — if you have a weak stomach do not read**

The kids and i went to my parents house to visit. As always my dad instantly gets the baby out of her car seat so that he can hold her. The bigs go outside to play with Liv. Dad and i are talking (gossiping most likely) when Charlee throws the front door open, runs to the bathroom, is in there like 30 seconds, then runs back outside. Okay, no big deal. We continue to talk but dad started to smell something awful so he blames Eilee then hands her to me. I check her diaper. It’s clean. Again, we continue to talk not knowing where the smell was coming from. A few minutes pass and dad just keeps making remarks about the smell. Soon Andlee comes in to go potty. She walks into the bathroom but quickly comes running back out, tears in her eyes, and gagging. Not just the fake ‘that’s gross’ gag but the deep, loud, made her cry, ‘i just threw up in my mouth’ gag. Charlee had shit and it was stuck to the side of the toilet so it wouldn’t flush. We all die laughing. Joke was on me though because i had to go clean it up and it was the worst smell that I’ve EVER smelt. I was gagging and pissed by the end of it. Let’s be honest, i hated being a mom in that moment. Little did i know what was to come. I had just finished cleaning the bathroom when Charlee comes back inside. I asked her why she didn’t make sure that her poop flushed. She got embarrassed and began to cry — triggering an asthma attack. If you have kids with asthma you know that the attacks can lead to coughing which usually leads to vomiting and/or gagging. Guess who threw up her entire carrot based lunch all over my parents foyer?! Charlee did. Guess who had to clean it up? I did. Guess who threw up while she was cleaning it? That would be me. Guess who almost threw up while i was throwing up? That would be my dad. My mom is in the kitchen laughing so hard that she’s bawling. My dad was laughing so hard through the gagging. Hudson was just sitting there eating his grapes and didn’t even flinch. He was not phased. This is normal for us. It’s a shit show. Literally. 

Have kids, they said. 

It’ll be fun, they said. 

Mom life can be ugly. It’s down right disgusting at times. I could be all motivational and say embrace every moment but those gross moments suck. You just have to make it through it, drink a big glass of wine, and take a deep breath. This too shall pass.